Coping with iPad Addiction


I’m not working much right now, so in an effort to conserve money I went out and bought myself a $550 iPad.

Yes, I know, Suze Orman fans, I have a low financial IQ just like every other normal American.  To say that I’m remorseful about this decision would be an understatement, because right now I’m about three and a half miles from having to siphon my neighbor’s gas.

Money aside, I’m in another crisis situation.  For the past 72 hours I’ve been on a Yatzy Addict binge.

Five Yatzys?  I call shenanigans, you evil space Avatars!

Five Yatzys? Shenanigans! You space avatar bastards!

If you’re not familiar with Yatzy Addict, it’s a knockoff app version of the board game, Yahtzee.  I can’t stop playing it.  I wake up in the middle of the night to take a leak, and one quick game turns into an all-night bender.

In the morning I look and feel like a junkie:  bloodshot eyes, bags, pasty complexion, guilt-ridden… If I don’t start working soon I’m gonna have to check myself into some kind of a rehab clinic.

I don’t play casually, either.  I play with intensity.  And passion.  I yell at the computer and swear a lot.  According to my dense logic, the computer is out to get me.  It has sent evil avatars from space to destroy me and turn me into a boiling mess.

And to think there was a time when I didn’t understand the allure of the tablet computer.

*Begin Dream Sequence*

3 years ago

Adam:  “Not a chance!  I’m perfectly happy with my stationary desktop computer that sounds like a microwave oven.  What’s so useful about a portable computer that fits in the palm of your hand, and has a camera, and iTunes, and the internet, and that cool notepad thingy?”

*End Dream Sequence*

I underestimated the addictive qualities of this iPad.

Coming from someone who had hopes of weaning himself from the computer, the last thing I needed to do was run out and have one surgically attached to my fucking arm.  Half the comments I replied to this week occurred while I was on the throne.

I shit you not.  No pun.

So, if you came here looking for self-help tips to assist you in kicking your iPad addiction then try one of the following:

1.) Throw it out the window of a fast-moving vehicle, or

2.) Slam your fingers in a car door

Tip #2 is obviously the more cost-effective method. Duh.

Am I the only one suffering from iPad Addiction?  Which app is your vice?

– See ya in rehab, Chowderheads \m?

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129 comments

    • Adam S

      You’re welcome, I think. I enjoy writing on it, and I’m glad to have people like you that enjoy following along. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Lo.

  1. Doggy's Style

    hahahahaha I literally had to pee after reading your post (I was holding it when I started)
    Getting an iPad was the worse decision I’ve ever made, I’ll read on it, I fooled myself into it, never read on it, you know what Bejeweled Blitz is?
    Well, I had to delete it, I was obsessed with it, still am, I’m trying to recover.
    I sympathize with you.

  2. SocietyRed

    Adam,
    I am the evil avatars from space.
    It is me you are playing Yatzy against and even if you didn’t continue to try for those inside straights you would lose.
    I control the dice. Nothing in life is fair, especially Yatzy.
    And take a dump on your own time mister; I don’t expect clean language but I insist on clean hands.
    Because I like you I’ll see to it that you win a few tonight.
    Try some some Preparation H on the bags under you eyes…I hear it works wonders.
    Red

      • SocietyRed

        Nah,
        I’m pulling your leg Adam. I seriously can’t keep up with the blogging even though I fuck the day away at work most days reading brilliant posts like yours. I don’t even own a video game, old or new. And I’ve held off getting an iPad for exactly the reasons you’ve outlined. I got a bitchin follow-up post on the way though. Maybe tomorrow…
        Red

      • Adam S

        Can’t wait to read it on my new iPad!
        You are still wearing the Post of the Week crown. It’ll be a good segue for any new people that jump on board the Society Red wagon. Winner winner chicken dinner.

  3. Celeste Smith

    Oh Adam, I feel your pain. Try being addicted to an actual live role playing MMO (World of Warcraft)…that was me 3 years ago, playing all night long with people I met online…running home after work to jump on the computer because I was “leading a raid” and people were waiting for me to get home…trying to explain, yet again, to my best friend why I can’t gab with her because I am “busy” fighting my way through a dungeon…*sigh* I can still feel the weight of the imaginary sword in my hand…

      • Celeste Smith

        Ha Ha! YES!…there were quite a few parody’s a few yrs back and we all geeked out over them…that is probably my favorite episode…except for the one with the Goths which is priceless!

      • Adam S

        That was by far my favorite episode. I’m definitely not a gamer by any stretch, but Warcraft looks pretty cool. If it didn’t have such a stigma attached to it, I’d probably jump on board. But, I have my quirks. You know this…

      • Celeste Smith

        I wasn’t a gamer until I got into WOW either…unless you count bubble bobble and super mario cart…I think you would love it but I if you want to write more (which you do) steer clear because its a big fat hole you fall into…people that are competitive like me loose their minds “just one more dungeon honey, I almost have enough honour points to buy that new level 85 sword!” Yup.

  4. The Bumble Files

    Adam, I wish I could help you. Let’s look at the pros…there are worse addictions, right? And, you must be doing all kinds of calculating, so this is good for your mind. Or, does the iPad do all the calculating? Do you play with others? See, you’re making new friends. Lots of good points!

    • Adam S

      This thing is off the hook, Bumbles. Get one. (Look at me being all sales guy-ish). Seriously, there is nothing that I don’t like about it. I had got a Nook originally, but I took it back and bought the iPad instead. What a difference. I’ve been reading a lot more blogs too. It’s so much better than having to sit at a desk.

  5. sortaginger

    I was thinking of Nintendo/Super NES and the original Super Mario trilogy the other day. Remember all the shortcuts and hidden mushrooms, etc? How did we know these in the pre-internet age, especially when only a few other kids had the system? Hmmmm

    Anyway, regarding ipad addiction, my apps of choice are word games, jigsaw puzzles, Pissed Off Ornithological Creatures, Alchemy, Fruit Ninja and Plants vs. Zombies, even though I have beaten the game over and over. Now off to check out Yatzy.

    • Adam S

      Ginger,
      Super Nintendo reminds me of Mortal Kombat! Ah, great memories…
      I’m not hip to any of the other jive you’re talkin, but be careful with Yatzy. Once you pop you won’t stop.

  6. diannegray

    I’m addicted to taking stupid/funny photos with the iPad and recently had an ‘intervention’ where my friends insisted I delete them all (else they may appear on my blog). If yours has the funny photos feature you may be able to do a toilet shot (of the floor, of course).

  7. jennsmidlifecrisis

    I don’t have an ipad…but I do have an Xbox which Hubby conveniently just moved to our living room…and Guitar Hero is calling to me…I could ignore it when it was in the dank, cold basement next to the stinky guinea pigs, but the allure is taking over. and don’t get me started on Bejewelled Twist…I only wasted a couple of hours today…

  8. lillianccc

    I was exactly like you when I was still in my pre-iPad days about two years ago. I was all, “iPad? Puh-leez. Why would I need something that’s like a smaller, lighter, fun-er, more portable version of my laptop?” And then I was gifted one by a generous family friend. I tried hard to resist but once I found the kindle app, I never looked back. So yeah, can’t help you with the addiction. However, should you need more reasons to stay addicted…….

    • Adam S

      I was telling someone else today, since I got it, I’ve been doing a lot more reading lately. It’s easier to keep track of everyone’s blogs. I actually wrote most of this post on it, As a matter o fact. It works pretty good, except for the autocorrect. I shoulda just left all the goofy word-swaps…

  9. Combat Babe

    God, I love this! I don’t have an iPad, but I love my lightweight ultrabook with Windows 8 all the same. My friend has an iPad and her son is addicted to all apps Angry Birds. My mom has an iPad and is addicted to Solitaire (fitting game since she’s an introvert). On my ultrabook I am addicted to a windows app called TapTiles, it’s like “3-D” Mahjong.

    That’s what I know. Again, I dig this post, best friend.

    • Adam S

      Dude, I love me some Mahjong! I forgot about that one. As for the ultra book, I’m sorry, I’m in the infancy stages of technology literacy. You’ll have to fill me in as to what that is. A lap top?

      And thank you, BFF.

      • Combat Babe

        Yeah, it’s like the thinnest, lightest laptop with full range keyboard (& mine lights up! The keyboard that is.) I’m a dino to technology, too. Got this on Thanksgiving and before that I had a 9 lb 7 year old Alienware lap top. Only thing I don’t like is the battery is not removable so if it freezes for any reason, I’m screwed, it won’t turn off to reboot. Happened once, luckily for only 5 minutes which felt like 5 years.

      • Adam S

        I had an HP Pavillion for less than a year. It started on fire. Then I got a Notebook, and in less than a year the keyboard stopped working. Actually, just the letters on the left side of the keyboard. It made it difficult to send emails without half the vowels.

        No more laptops for me!

      • Combat Babe

        I hope everything you just shared with me doesn’t jinx me. I haven’t ever owned a desktop and I don’t plan to. You can’t tie me down; no, sir.

  10. Maddie Cochere

    Yatzy … yes! Nintendo/Mario … yes! Visualizing Adam on the throne … yes!

    I have a Nook Tablet, and just today my boring Kindle Paperwhite arrived. The only game I’m addicted to right now is Tumblebugs. I play on the PC, but it’s available for iPad. I play when I need to take a break from my other addiction – blogging.

  11. happyzinny

    Bejeweled is addictive. I had to delete it from my phone, although I later downloaded it again in a moment of weakness. There’s a helpful stat menu included that shows me how many gemlike hours I’ve wasted playing this game, although sadly they won’t give me a badge for being a be-loser.

    • Adam S

      I always get those invites on FB. I’m not sure what it is? But, in any case, I wouldn’t get down about it. My Yatzy hours put your jewels to shame…

  12. yessiesuniartie

    I have to admit that sometimes I become gamers addiction – to killing the times and the boring side :D. And from my point of view technology has undoubtably played a large part in how many of us live our lives and technology like everything else in this world has pros and cons. Technology, Internet and app games it’s something i couldn’t resist 😀

  13. Rachael Black

    Yeah Bitching!
    My phone is a $14.00 piece of AT&T shit that takes 15 minutes to type a four line sentence -no keyboard. Oh, if I had the money to purchase a damned Ipad I’d have an addiction too: Sell the fucker to pay the utility bills.
    So yeah…. go go gadget.
    Signed,
    Some Poor Fucker on Disability in Reno
    -who paid in hundreds of thousands of dollars in SS during her working years,
    P.S. no bitterness
    PPS I play Nazi instead… being Half A Hebe. Explains the lack of money via the government. I know the Swiss are involved. Oh yes. they have mad a deal with Steve Jobs -adjusts tinfoil hat-

  14. Cathy Ulrich

    Adam,
    I feel your pain. As I read your post on my iPad this morning, I have to confess that I, too, can get a little wacky about the thing. Venice Mystery is my weakness and most of the time, I control it, but everynow and then, I do go on a bender. Even so, it’s a great tool and I even go so far as to be sure that any new purse I might buy is big enough to fit my iPad…
    Cathy

  15. mairedubhtx

    I only have a Kinde Fire (a cheap knock off of an iPad_ and don’t know if they have an Yatzee App. I haven’t played Yatzee since I was a kid but I loved it as a child and spent many happy hours playing it with my brother and sister and friends. I sort of hop that Amazon doesn’t have such an App so I won’t be caught in the vortex you describe. I’d never get anything done. Not that I get much done now…

  16. Paul

    For me, it’s Brick Breaker. Or was, anyway. After I’d broken my 2,956,352th brick, I suddenly wondered, “Will breaking that 3 millionth brick bring some sort of deep-seated satisfaction? Answer some of life’s questions? Help me discover What It All Means?” Alas, no. Though it beats staring at the back of someone’s head while standing in the DMV line, which brings me no satisfaction at all.

    Here’s a way you could square the circle: Become a Yatzy Addict shark. Start playing around people who know the game and act like you’ve never tried it before. Before long, you’re laying a little wager. Next thing you know, it’s double-or-nothing time. You could have your iPad paid off in no time!

    • Adam S

      Paul,
      We are on the same page. The DMV is a painful place to hang out.
      Is brick breaker the old arcade game with the nobs that bounce the ball off the tiles? I used to eat that game alive back in the day!

      • Paul

        Yes, although the one I got hooked on was the smartphone equivalent. Upside: portable, convenient, no going through rolls of quarters. Downside: phone can’t handle the abuse I used to heap onto its older arcade cousin. (“IT? Yeah, this crappy phone broke down for some reason. What? I don’t know, I guess the screen spontaneously cracked.”)

        But if you want to talk arcade addictions, give me Centipede, Tempest and … Phoenix. Man, I used to KILL on that game. Ten minutes of my lunch hour would be spent eating, 50 minutes would be spent trying to blow that smug, pasty-faced alien in the mothership at the end straight to Kingdom Come. He used to cower, too, when I got to him. I know I saw his eye twitch. Yeah, game ON, pal.

      • Adam S

        Paul, if you had said, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter II, and Tekken, we’d be talking the same language. Although, from that era, nothing beats Pacman. I could play that game all night. And, AND! Pole Position. That game was the shit.

      • Paul

        All good games, no question. Pole Position was great. One drawback: Playing it, then facing stop-and-go traffic the next day on your daily commute. The contrast was enough to make you seethe. As for Pacman, well, I could never stop pulling on that lever hard enough to about break it off — AS IF IT WOULD MAKE IT GO FASTER.

  17. becca3416

    WHY?!!!! Why did you have to say Yahtzee?!!! There goes my entire weekend. I’m going to need some eye drops and I think it is only fair that you buy them.

  18. Sasha J Cameron

    Age of Empires ( yeah, not even AoM), got so addicted I forgot to pick the kids up from school. Now I have the iPad I am addicted to everything. I’m guessing if you’re yelling at your iPad in the middle of the night you must live alone. It’s 2.30 am and I am posting a comment. Which one of us is more sad?

  19. twindaddy

    My Android phone. I’m always checking Twitter, Facebook, or WordPress to see if someone has tweeted, commented, or , um, commented on my pages. It’s quite shameful. I need help.

  20. iRuniBreathe

    Adam, that’s the spirit. Now you are perfecting your addiction! Great post; I just hope you are getting some rest too — so your mind and senses are sharp for gametime.

    • Adam S

      T,
      Thank you. I’m sharp as a tack right now. Lately, I’ve been taking notes on this thing all throughout the day. I’m happy to report that I am now experiencing a topic surplus. You want to buy some? Half-off weekend special?

  21. Jean

    Okay, I’m going to give you an idea of how archaic I am. I was the first kid in my neighborhood to have a video game. It was Atari Pong. There was no cartridge. You just plugged it into your t.v. and the box WAS Pong. You turned the knobs and played a ping-pong type video game. Black screen, little square white ball, white paddles. Every now and then the ball would get stuck in the corner and go d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d and you had time to go off and get a Coke or pee. I would turn down the sound and play that sucker almost until my alarm went off and it was time to get ready for school. It is so good that I didn’t grow up in the days of Nintendo!

    • Adam S

      Old Bitty,
      The last sentence made me pee my pants. Nintendo was the greatest thing that ever happened to this world. Your table tennis video game playing generation is too proud to admit it!

      • Jean

        Hey, who are you calling Old Bitty, ya little whipper snapper?

        My Pong was the Model T to your XBox. A classic. A life-changing event. The precursor of the next generation. Like disco. Okay, bad example . .

      • Adam S

        Disco Jean,
        I’m not really a gamer to be honest. I haven’t really played a system since Sega Genisis. If that means anything to you.

        But, I do remember playing pong a few times a long time ago. I remember there being more than just Pong, too. There were a bunch of games that all looked exactly the same. The concept was two have two people volley some object back and forth in every game. Boring!

      • Jean

        Dude! You just reminded me! Pong had the Breakaway game where you break through walls. That’s the one that kept me up every night!

        And guess what? My gadget addiction has my upper back SO SORE! And my right shoulder is all hosed up from reaching across to work the touchpad in the middle of my laptop. My neck is stiff from playing Jewels on my phone. Bubba says I get a little TOO focused when I play that. He thinks a fire could erupt and I wouldn’t move until I got my 3 stars for that level.

  22. Kozo

    I was wondering why your comments smelled a bit off lately.
    I don’t know if you ever got into Risk, but the iPad version is like the boardgame on crack.
    I have a good way to break the iPad addiction. I have the iPad 1, and I don’t upgrade the software, so all my old apps are starting to bug and I can’t load any new apps. Pretty soon I will be letting my sons use it as a Frisbee. If you really have a problem breaking the addiction, just tell me and I’ll send you the IPad 1 for whatever version you have. .

    • Adam S

      Kozo,
      My auto correct always changes your name to Kosovo. I’m just giving you advanced warning. And what is stinky about me, good pal?

      This iPad will never become a frisbee. Ever. Not after having to suck gasoline out of my neighbors gas tank with my mouth. Gasoline tastes horrible, by the way. I’m seeing spots. The light is bright…

      What’s happening to me?

  23. cestlavie22

    Sadly for me, money has stopped me from being able to get an IPAD. However, my phone recently decided to give up on me and I was forced to take a replacement phone until an upgrade is available to me. Little did I know this replacement phone came with Sims 3. Needless to say I spend most of my time in the bathroom, in bed, in the car…ect playing Sims. This is a serious addiction problem and I do not see a cure in the foreseeable future!

    • Adam S

      That’s funny. I remember playing Sim City in tech lab during high school. Clearly, it wasn’t much of a tech lab.
      Sim Farm, Sim City, Lemmings…it’s no wonder…

  24. Katie

    Well my iPad addiction is kind of a good thing because it’s where I’ve been writing a lot of my posts now that I’m taking the train to work. I use iWriter I think it’s called… Something like that. Plus I read magazines on there all the time. I’ve had my iPad for a while now, but it’s only recently that I’ve started using it more regularly since I’m away from my laptop more often now.

    • Adam S

      I’m finding that I can put a post together more quickly by using a tablet, rather than a computer. I keep all my notes on the notepad, then transfer it and edit. It’s an awesome piece of technology. Five out of five stars.

      I’m gonna look into this iWriter. I’ve never heard of it until you mentioned it.

  25. littlemisswordy

    I’m the same way! I fell in love with my husband during some major Nintendo marathons in college! lol I’m currently addicted to Words with Friends and Scramble with Friends. Now I’ll have to check out this Yatzy business. Thanks a lot!

    • Adam S

      Sounds like the perfect way to find a soulmate. I don’t do Words with Friends because everybody cheats. I use real words like, “that” and “bored”. Not “qi”.

      They should call it “Words people never use with Friends”

  26. Wendy Brydge

    Fun post, Adam! I will never give in and buy an iPad, my laptop is as technically “advanced” as I’m going to get and I spend far too much time as it is yelling at it when it decides to quit loading General Hospital in the afternoon. Hell, I don’t even have a cell phone! But as far as game obsession goes, for me it was one called “Da Vinci’s Secret”. You can imagine how disappointed I was when it really had nothing to do with Da Vinci at all and turned out to be a Tetris-esque, hundred-some level game of get-the-key-in-the-lock. Blocking your path were coloured balls which you had to remove by matching up balls of the same colour — the more you could get at one time, the higher the score; make a move without destroying the balls and they replicate. There were multi-coloured balls that had to be hit twice, bricks and bombs, exploding crosses of light that decimated whatever was in their path….. and I was HOOKED. And once I beat the game — playing during every free moment — then it became an obsession to beat my high score, finish each level faster, get to that 150th puzzle in three days instead of five….. wow.

    And do I ever remember blowing in those stupid original Nintendo game cartridges, and bashing them against my knee thinking that eventually they’d learn to associate pain with misbehaving and just WORK. Ah, those were the days… yelling at Mario when he wouldn’t stay on that damn turtle shell at the bottom of the brick wall. I wanted my 99 lives, damn it!

    • Adam S

      Wendy, I hate missing General Hospital too. It’s something about the lighting that I find appealing. The twinkling of the eyes, I think. Hmm. Anyways…

      Shame on me for forgetting about Tetris. Shame on me!

  27. holdontoyourpants

    Adam,
    I have been saving for an iPad now that I am back to work.. this didn’t, and maybe also did, help. On my iPhone I am addicted to Word Shaker HD… which is just as nerdy as it sounds, but I love it. You like words, maybe you will too!
    I spent much of the past year unemployed, I understand the importance of hobbies.. perhaps all you need is a balance.
    30 minute walk = 30 minutes of Yatzy Addict (you exercised after all)
    30 minutes of reading = 30 minutes of Yatzy Addict
    1 hour baking cookies = 1.5 hours Yatzy Addict (gotta calculate eating time in there)
    20 minutes of knitting = 40 minutes of Yatzy Addict (because learning is tedious)
    1 hour spent making ancient weaponry from found objects = …okay, you can have a full day of Yatzy Addict for that.

    Good luck my friend!
    PS: Anything you are not happy with about you iPad?

    • Adam S

      Believe it or not, I hate playing word games. My vocabulary is limited. Every time I play Words With Friends I get beat up. I think people use cheat codes, because I’m not sure half the words they use are even words. WTF is QI?? Not a word…

      I love the iPad. I can’t find anything wrong with it, other than the fact that you’re limited to one, maybe two, fingers for typing. I’m getting fast though. Ask me about the Nook however, and I’ll write you an essay stating all the reasons why not to by one. The browsing on the iPad is faster and easier than on a desktop. I bought the retina display 16G. The resolution is insane, and it’s plenty of storage. Think twice about buying one with massive storage. There’s a huge price difference for something you may not ever use, unless you plan on downloading 4 million songs.

  28. The Cutter

    Yatzy? Wow, at least “Words with Friends” made an effort to conceal that they were ripping off Scrabble. Yatzy reminds me of those “Mockbuster” movies like Transmorphers.

    And my wife has an iPad. I might get to use it if she wasn’t on it all the time. Her addiction? Smurf Life.

    • Adam S

      Yatzy Addict is amazing. It’s probably better than the original. You can play a whole game with two people in about three minutes. Each turn takes about ten seconds for all three rolls. I think that’s why they put the word, Addict after it.

      Piss on WOW. Everybody cheats…

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