I’m not working much right now, so in an effort to conserve money I went out and bought myself a $550 iPad.
Yes, I know, Suze Orman fans, I have a low financial IQ just like every other normal American. To say that I’m remorseful about this decision would be an understatement, because right now I’m about three and a half miles from having to siphon my neighbor’s gas.
Money aside, I’m in another crisis situation. For the past 72 hours I’ve been on a Yatzy Addict binge.
If you’re not familiar with Yatzy Addict, it’s a knockoff app version of the board game, Yahtzee. I can’t stop playing it. I wake up in the middle of the night to take a leak, and one quick game turns into an all-night bender.
In the morning I look and feel like a junkie: bloodshot eyes, bags, pasty complexion, guilt-ridden… If I don’t start working soon I’m gonna have to check myself into some kind of a rehab clinic.
I don’t play casually, either. I play with intensity. And passion. I yell at the computer and swear a lot. According to my dense logic, the computer is out to get me. It has sent evil avatars from space to destroy me and turn me into a boiling mess.
And to think there was a time when I didn’t understand the allure of the tablet computer.
*Begin Dream Sequence*
3 years ago
Adam: “Not a chance! I’m perfectly happy with my stationary desktop computer that sounds like a microwave oven. What’s so useful about a portable computer that fits in the palm of your hand, and has a camera, and iTunes, and the internet, and that cool notepad thingy?”
*End Dream Sequence*
I underestimated the addictive qualities of this iPad.
Coming from someone who had hopes of weaning himself from the computer, the last thing I needed to do was run out and have one surgically attached to my fucking arm. Half the comments I replied to this week occurred while I was on the throne.
I shit you not. No pun.
So, if you came here looking for self-help tips to assist you in kicking your iPad addiction then try one of the following:
1.) Throw it out the window of a fast-moving vehicle, or
2.) Slam your fingers in a car door
Tip #2 is obviously the more cost-effective method. Duh.
Am I the only one suffering from iPad Addiction? Which app is your vice?
– See ya in rehab, Chowderheads \m?