Case Study: Yahoo Answers


I’ve come to the realization that Yahoo Answers is the electronic version of The Magic 8 Ball.  In other words, it’s the biggest pile of shit ever dumped into a flaming paper bag and dropped onto your virtual doorstep since the dawn of the Internet.

Here’s how it works:
1.)  User asks a question seeking a valid response.
2.) Question is then made available to a general population of experts, comprised mainly of YouTube trolls, single men over the age of forty and hipsters.  Answers are typically never longer than five words and usually written in butchered English or hipster shorthand.

Thanks to the contributions made by the single males over the age of forty group .01% of the responses found on the site are not entirely useless. 

I’m still trying to figure out why it exists?  It’s like a pipeline for fucking morons and Jeopardy rejects.  Do these folks not have access to Google?  With a half billion websites at our disposal there’s bound to be a few much more effective solutions.

Let’s look at an Example:

my-right-to-bitch-main-photo1.jpgResolved Question

What is the correct title to use on a cover letter if a job posting doesn’t have a recipient name listed?

Adam S 

 

Plain Guy 3Best Answer

If a specific name is not listed on the job posting, an appropriate title would be: Dear Hiring Manager.

one thumb up

  PlainGuy1972  **Single Male over 40 group.

**************************************************************************************************************************
PlainGuy1972 is clearly the outlier in this pack of apes.  Let’s have a look at some of the other responses…

**************************************************************************************************************************  Answers

Malory Baby

I don’t think dat it matterz cuz if you work hard and try at your job interview den you shouldn’t have to even write one. ❤ ❤ ❤

Twenty Thumbs UpFunGlitterGirly95    **Od’ing on glitter…

Yahoo Avatar
Dear Pinhead.

Twenty Thumbs Up

L8erSk8er   **Most likely a YouTube Troll…

Plain Guy

Good luck finding a job.  Company’s aren’t hiring because of the repressed economy, and too many jobs are moving overseas.  I’m not sure how the U.S. is going to to compete with China’s economic growth in the coming decades.  On top of that, I’ll never see a Social Security check.  Thanks a lot, Obummer.

Twenty Thumbs Up

DamnYankee456   **Thanks for not giving two shits about my question…

Plain Guy 2
It really depends on the company.

Twenty Thumbs Up

MorpheusFTW  **Over-analyzer.  Definitely a Jeopardy reject.  Matrix Junkie too.  Matrix Junkie too.  (See what I did there?)

yahoo-avatar

I don’t think you needa cover letter for some places like where I got my job at Taco Bell.  Dey jus need to know dat you know how to work.  Lolz!  K, bye!

Twenty Thumbs Up

MaloryBabez97  **There are aliens among us…

***************************************************************************************************************************

Statistical Breakdown:

85% of Respondents would likely fail a standard 5th grade literacy test.

– 34% of Respondents probably don’t  know how to spell the word literacy.

34% of Respondents speak fluent Hipster.

– 17% of Respondents pose a threat to your computer security.

– 17% of Respondents pose a threat to national security.

100% of this post is made up.

**************************************************************************************************************************

And that’s all I got.   

Cheers to a happy May.  April, you can kiss my skinny ass.

Happy Blogging \m/

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60 comments

  1. Jean

    You hit that nail on the head. Every tried to look for a quote and ended up at searchquotes.com? People can just submit something their buddy said yesterday. Then people take the time to read these and give them thumbs up or thumbs down. Pretty sure it has the same statistical breakdown.

    • Adam S

      Every time I do a search on ANYTHING I always get a couple of Yahoo Answers on the first page. I just roll my eyes. Buncha knuckle-fucks…

  2. becca3416

    People still use Yahoo period? Interesting. Next thing I know you are going to tell me my MySpace account is still active and things are going to get awkward fast.

    Oh, and now that I know how you feel about them, I will stop sending you emoti-hearts. Just kidding ❤ ❤ ❤ ttyl lol.

    • Adam S

      ❤ Becca, I still do have a ❤ Myspace account because I can't retrieve the password in order to ❤ close it. The cover photo is a selfie. I've grown ❤ a lot over the years…

      • becca3416

        Don’t hate the selfies. Just as long as they aren’t taken from ten feet above your head. Like those ones we took in my kitchen. Those are MySpace worthy. ~~*!*<3*!*~~

  3. twindaddy

    Ha! I have never used Yahoo Answers before. I have run across it a couple times in the midst of Google searches and found the answers there horrid, uninformed, juvenile, and idiotic. So, yeah….never submitted a question.

    • Adam S

      What up, Amy! I’m good. I’ve been so sidetracked lately. I wish I could split myself into pieces and have all the Adams do all the shit I need to do. Good to see you too. Rock on! \m/

  4. sondrabrooks

    My favorites are the sites on which people with absolutely no medical training whatsoever try to help others diagnose their physical ailments. My favorite response was the lady who wrote, “Sorry, but it sounds like you have a brain tuma.”
    Yeh…a tuma. Fuhgeddaboudit.

    • Adam S

      Classic! Nothing like inducing a little bit of paranoia in the head of a hypochondriac! Who am I kidding, I get a hangnail and I’m all up on WebMD…Pffft!

  5. lillianccc

    It might be made up here, but I’ve read a bunch of variations of this exact situation on Yahoo answers.
    Glad to see you’re back. I was beginning to wonder if you decided to permanently relocate to somewhere with no wifi.

    • Adam S

      Yes you have, and I might actually have to take some permanent time off for that exact reason. I’ll write a sappy post about it in advance \m/

    • Adam S

      Well thank you much, darling. Very much appreciated. I’m gonna hop on Yahoo Answers real quick and see if I can figure out what LMK means. I’ll follow up with you \m/

  6. talksensible

    Oh come on! Most of the answers are absolutely hilarious! So even if they are no help at all, you cannot deny that the level of stupidity displayed by some people on Yahoo Answers is worth the time. My guilty pleasure is to Google something like “Yahoo Answers funny” and check out the images. Very juvenile and immature I realize, but it is the one of the few times I allow myself to laugh at someone else’s expense.

    • Chowderhead

      I agree! I do that on occasion myself, but once I see something repeated a few times it’s stored in my memory bank forever. You do realize that I wrote these, and that they were not copied from Yahoo Answers, right? 🙂

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