Chowderhead’s Official Sleep Deprivation Olympic Challenge


**Disclaimer:  Do not try this at home, dummy. 

After submitting countless applications to participate in one of those paid studies in which the white-robed, clipboard-carrying people tie you up to a bunch of electrode-thingies and tape your eyes open for days on end, I was unfortunately denied, repeatedly, and labeled an unqualified candidate because of my excessive use of the word, fuck.

Fuck.

I’m slightly offended and deeply troubled that I will not be receiving any monetary rewards.  However, I will not be denied the experience.

Alex

Note to Self: Buy one of these things.

Because of this recent turn of events, and because I have nothing better to do, I’ve decided to conduct my very own, very informal, very unprofessional, and obviously, very stupid experiment, in which I will willingly subject myself to a semi-thorough, unsupervised sleep study.

My goal is to tie or break the current word record of  18 days, 21 hours, and 40 minutes without sleep.  I will report back with my findings.

Here’s some scientific crap about sleep:

-According to most academic journals, the human body requires anywhere from 6 to 10 hours of sleep per night.  (6 hours my ass!)

– Seventeen hours of sustained wakefulness leads to a decrease in performance equivalent to a blood alcohol-level of 0.05%.  (That means that in three weeks I will feel like I drank a cement truck full of beer in approximately ten minutes.)

– It’s impossible to tell if someone is really awake without close medical supervision. People can take cat naps with their eyes open without even being aware of it.  (Becca does that)

And here are some Tips for Sleeping Smart that I will not be following:   

– Establish a regular bed and wake time *Note to Self:  Put mattress on curb.  Trash day tomorrow. 

– Avoid nicotine altogether and avoid caffeine close to bedtime *Note to Self:  Four cartons of Regulars, one Menthol.  Also, Cigars.  Maybe a pipe too if you can find a cheap one.  Also, buy backup coffee grinder

– Avoid alcohol *Note to Self: Stop by Chet’s on the way back from smoke shop to pick up beer bong that you left there last weekend. 

Chuck Norris

Chuck Chuck Bo Buck Banana Fanna Fo Fuck!

– Exercise regularly (but complete the workout at least 3 hours before bedtime) *Note to Self:  Finally purchase Chuck Norris workout machine from that late night infomercial. *Additional Note to Self:  Use it a lot.

– Establish a consistent relaxing “wind-down” bedtime routine *Note to Self:  Move drums to spot where mattress used to be.

– Create a sleep-conducive environment that is dark, quiet and comfortable *Note to Self:  Energy Efficient bulbs on sale at CostCo right now.  (Buy two get one free.)  

   *****

What the hell am I getting myself into here…

Wish me luck.

–  Happy Blogging, Chowderheads o_O

CLICK HERE FOR DAY 1 RESULTS

Advertisements

62 comments

  1. Ambre Neuser-Gajewski

    When I have to work insane hours and decide sleep is not an option, I spend time on the internet talking to my weird friends who don’t sleep, and looking up stupid shit cause apparently being on the internet or texting makes it harder to sleep. Also, singing out loud to 80’s songs.

    • Adam S

      Ah! Thank you for reminding me, Ambre!

      Note to self: Record 80’s mix tape.

      I honestly don’t think this is gonna be all that difficult. If David Blaine (sp?) can turn orange soda into cheezits (sp?), then I can definitely stay awake for three weeks. No David Blaine! (Sp?) No David Blaine! (Sp?)

  2. Vanessa-Jane Chapman

    But this is madness, madness I say! Sleep is more important than food, we can survive longer without food than without sleep. But ok, if you’re going to do it, then you’re going to do it. You want luck, I wish you luck. You want suggestions for activities to keep yourself awake, here’s mine – write a musical, the whole thing, the story, the songs, the choreography – that would be terrific fun, and would involve a lot of big thinking which would keep you awake! You’re welcome.

    • Adam S

      VJC, the madness has just begun! Thank you for your blessings. (yawn) The Hills are Live with the Sound of Heavy Metal!!! Yes!!! \m/

  3. becca3416

    I wish you all of the luck in this adventure despite how upset I am that you had to use that picture. That picture is the one picture in the entire world that makes me squirm. And not in a good way.
    ಠ_ಠ
    ಠ_ಠ
    ಠ_ಠ

    Happy non slumber party!

  4. TJLubrano

    Hello! I wanted to ask “whyyy?!”. Then I read you had nothing better today, I still have the urge to yell “whyyy”.
    Wish you lots of luck! Bake stuff, write a story, Ambre mentioned something good too and that was talking to people who are awake when you should be asleep haha. Oh oh! Movie marathon! Watch all the movies you always wanted to, but never had the chance to do so!

    I forgot to reply on your previous comment. Yes, I think you’re Indie Dick material. Also, sorry that your cheeks are hurting.

    • Adam S

      T to tha J,
      Thank you, it’s going better than expected thus far. I’m really trying to pace myself here. The calasthetics are helping tremendously. I’m also on movie number 7: Finding Nemo. It’s pretty good, actually.

      Also, no prob with the cheeks. I’m feeling much better. I’m brewing up some ideas for an Indie Dick contribution as I type. It’s gonna be killer. \m/

      • TJLubrano

        Yo A!! Whazzup \m/ hehe 🙂 I had a comment in my mind and then I read Finding Nemo and was distracted again. I adore that movie, well I adore Dory haha. How are you feeling now? I’m glad the cheeks are better and YESSSS! I can’t wait to see you on IC! Woohoo!

      • Adam S

        I’m feeling extremely woozy at the moment. Aye. As soon as it’s over in six weeks (three weeks of recovery) I will be totally geared up to tackle it. I seriously can’t wait. I got a good idea brewin’! Thanks, chicky!

  5. Madame Weebles

    You know how fond I am of the word “fuck” so I guess I won’t qualify for any of those studies either. Fuck. As someone who routinely gets only about 4-5 hours of sleep, I salute you. You should also get a few cats, because as Becca can tell you, they’ll help prevent you from sleeping.

  6. anitadesignstudio

    I know what would help keep you wide awake…thoughts of me of course!! My spine tingling, slightly off centre grin…my soul searching squinty eyes…my knock knees…my bony twisted fingers…the big hairy mole I have on my #$!%

    See? Easy peasy.

  7. iRuniBreathe

    I need zillions of hours of sleep, probably as a subliminal way of escaping from the reality “out there.” I hope some benefit will be had from the MANY hours you will be slumber-less. You need a hobby! Or two cats!

  8. lillianccc

    I got nothin’ for you since sleep is one of those things that keeps me from becoming a total bitch. Actually, find me on a day I’m running on less than 5 or 6 hours and I think even you would be running for the hills.
    That being said, definitely looking forward to your next check-in.
    PS. If you pass out from too much overload, does that mean you’re disqualified?

    **PSS. Adam, you are the funniest guy ever. I’m going to buy you a pontoon boat because you’re so funny. God you’re funny. Also, fart.

    • Adam S

      Lillian, I took the liberty of fixing the omission from your original comment for you. I’m averaging 2 cups of dark roast per half hour so I don’t think the alcohol-induced sleep will come into play until next month. Or year. (Good thing I bought the backup grinder). Yes. \m/

      I’m feelin good!

  9. Pingback: Sleep Deprivation Olympic Challenge: Day 1 Results | Chowderhead
    • Adam S

      BlueCrushSurferGirl, welcome aboard, my new friend. I will be needing your support here in the next few days. Things are starting to get…weird. Really weird. Day two update is unraveling right now. I’m pinching my cheeks tightly together. Wait, wtf? I dunno…

    • Adam S

      Katie, I don’t require any beauty rest because I have a massive surplus of it. Somewhere. I can’t remember where I put it. Oh yeah! I put it in my beer bong and drank it fast. My eyes are crossing. I’m not making any sense, am I …

  10. itsmesammies

    Buy a CD of a baby crying. I live with a newborn, you’ll never sleep! Use that as an alarm in case you start to nap. I know they have them online and in app stores for those teenagers that think being parents now would be a world of fun. Not only are they morons, they should be holed in to a prison for the mentally insane. The sound will drive you insane, but keep you awake… Good luck!

    • Adam S

      Hello and welcome! Ms Itsmesammies, glad to see you with your Chowderhead boarding pass in hand! Don’t mind all the clutter. Here, sit down and rest, let me make you a ham sandwich. Mustard? Mayo? Sliced Dill pickle? Also, Do you like cheese? I hope so, because I have a delectable Munster I just purchased from the local delicatessen. It’s marvelous. Anyways…um, where was I…

      …Ah, yes! I will not be making babies or listening to them in any digital format. That, I can promise. The bells! The bells!!!

      • itsmesammies

        You asked for suggestions, I provided the fool proof ‘stay-awake plan.’ Really it works. It’s also less sleep-inducing than the Real Housewives of OC, yes, I know the name. I wouldn’t however, suggest taking care of a baby while you embark on your sleep deprivation experiment, test, thing…It just doesn’t seem safe. Oh, and no thanks on the sandwich…not a huge fan of cheese 😀 Can’t wait to see how this turns out!

  11. calahan

    Best way to stay awake is to convince yourself that an evil corporation (ex: Nestle) is stealing your brainwaves when you close your eyes. A deep REM sleep is the equivalent of the evil corporation stealing an entire hard drive from you. Don’t let them get to you, Adam! Don’t let them steal your thoughts!

    • Adam S

      Mike, dude, you always got my back, I swear. My thoughts are oozing out of my head like Jello pudding on most days. They probably don’t even want my poopy thoughts. But I’m wearing a tinfoil hat just in case. Ya dig?

      • calahan

        The tin foil hat is standard gear for a reason for all people whose thoughts are being stolen. Because, dammit, it works. And you can use it to keep your take-out food warm, so win-win!

  12. Pingback: Sleep Deprivation Olympic Challenge: Day 2 Results | Chowderhead
  13. The Bumble Files

    Adam, dear Adam…I think something has possessed you that you want to deprive yourself of sleep, precious sleep!! But this will be fascinating to watch….Go Adam!! Activities…write a term paper. Ha ha. Watch a newborn…these are all things that will put you right to sleep. Stick with coffee, cigarettes and more beer….and nachos. You could blog a lot, like all night, or play your addictive game. I forget the name.

  14. Pingback: The Sleep Deprivation Challenge Ends | Chowderhead
  15. Pingback: Spreading my wordseed III: Chowderhead. | Content Unrelated
  16. Pingback: Thank You | Chowderhead

Comment Here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s