Yes, you heard that correctly. Another one of those “in the name of Art” people is apparently stuffing her love donut with balls of yarn and knitting sweaters from it, in an expression known as Vaginal Knitting.
I guess cramming a fistful of Dominos up the bunghole was a bit too risque’.
Cooter-crafter and self proclaimed “feminist artist”, Casey Jenkins, is the pioneer of this fishy new trend. According to the Huffington Post, “Jenkins has described the piece as “arousing” and promises to work non-stop during the days she’s knitting, come hell or high water… or menstruation.”
Ms. Jenkins is obviously not in possession of a Webster’s Dictionary, because she is incorrectly using the term “arousing” in this example. There is nothing about this act even remotely arousing. In fact, I think it would be more likely for me to get a boner from gawking at a napkin dispenser with Icy Hot on my danglers, than from watching this weaver’s beaver in action.
I can’t imagine many people are attending the Jenkins residence for Christmas either. The people that do show up are probably all sitting around on plastic-covered furniture, unwrapping their ugly sweaters with rubber gloves on that were issued to them upon entry of said residence.
Jenkins’ Son: “Cool, another sweater!”
Jenkins: “Now go run and put it in the dryer, sweetheart!”
Why, in the 21st Century, with all of the these crazy new apps, High Definition TV, internet porn, and State Parks, are we regressing to things like this for entertainment purposes?
The day that anyone I’m dating comes home and tries to talk me into wearing a sweater that fell out of her birth canal, is the day that I start sneezing gold coins. I mean, it would be cool to have an endless financial source and all, but the point I’m trying to make here is that it isn’t very likely to happen. Ever.
Sanitary reasons aside, there are also potential health risks like, burns and abrasions, and getting it stuck up in there. And for those of you who have ever gone night fishing with me, you’re already aware of how painstakingly difficult it is to untangle a ball of line without a flashlight handy.
Given the constraints of human anatomy, this would be a slight chore. It may even require a brief hospital stay if scissors are introduced at any point. But, I would advise scheduling a doctor visit prior to the self-removal procedure. And then I would advise you to invest in a board game like, Monopoly.
What will it be next…
Cheers to Another Ugly Sweater-Wearing Holiday, Chowderheads \m/
- “Oz” brings you “vaginal knitting!” (adscam.typepad.com)
- “Vaginal Knitting” Is the New Thing in Activist Performance Art (gawker.com)
- “Vaginal Knitting” As Activist Performance Art (joindahunt.com)