Searching for Felicks Wolski


I have a Dropbox account, which if you’re not familiar, is a file sharing account for really big attachments.  Standard email is to envelope, as Dropbox is to dump truck.  Get it?

Anyways, I signed up for an account a couple months ago and used it one time only to forget about it.  But I ran into a situation recently where I needed to send and receive a few big files with somebody, so I tried logging into my account one afternoon.

ACCESS DENIED.

So I went through that mildly irritating password recovery procedure, which was a red flag, because I use the same password for everything that requires a password, because I have a hard time remembering fucking passwords.  It turns out that I wasn’t using the wrong the password in fact; I was using the wrong email address and attempting to log into somebody else’s account.  Somebody who used one of my email addresses to create it…

…Somebody by the name of Felicks Wolski.

There it was – staring at me in the eyeball from the top right corner of the screen: “Hello, Felicks Wolski”

I had successfully hacked into what was technically, my own account.  And also who the fuck is Felicks Wolski?

Are you Felicks Wolski?

Artist Rendering of Felicks Wolski.

I felt violated – like I was internet raped or something.   Some Austrian man hijacked my email address in order to create his/my/our account.

Or is it possible that there is somebody else who was assigned the same address, and I’m now officially on a most wanted list because of my unintentional hack?   Am I being reasonable in assuming that this man is from Austria?  Does he probably have mutton chops because of his specific geological location?

I’ll never know the answers to these questions.

I can only assume that this is an alias being used to conceal the identity of a Nigerian Lottery Sweepstakes employee of some kind, because you spelled Felix wrong, and there is no reason to use somebody’s email address when there are many still available. 

Here are a few suggestions, seeing that you’re having a difficult time creating an email account on your own:

–          emailaddressterrorist@yahoo.com

–          myparentsgavemeastupidname@yahoo.com

–          muttonchopsplayboy@yahoo.com

In the meantime, my fruitless Google search continues in order to uncover the true identity of this shadowy email address-stealing person.  I may never discover the true origins of the elusive, Felicks Wolski, or his motive behind opening a large file sharing account.  But one thing I know for fact:

Mr. Wolski will not be using this account to send dick pics with, because that will definitely not require a large file.

See you in hell, you Austrian internet terrorist bastard.

Salute \m/

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55 comments

  1. NotAPunkRocker

    Felicks the Cat?

    Sorry you got hacked. Be looking for an email from me tomorrow containing my real-name alias.

  2. Kevin

    Thank you for keeping my internet safe. I agree with your password situation. I have four passwords I have to use because some sites want a capital letter and a symbol; others refuse a symbol at all. I never know which one I was using for whichever account on any given day. After the third one I incorrectly entered, I’m usually locked out. But at least your account is safe. However, you did use the word terrorist so I’m sure you are on a “watch list” now.

    • Chowderhead

      Cool! Hey, before I can fully respond to your comment here, I’m going to ask that you verify that you’re actually ‘Kevin’ by providing me with your social security number, your bank account and routing number, and your current home address. We’ll go from there.

    • Chowderhead

      I missed your comment and I feel like a rude bastard because of my unintentional disregard of the time investment you made in order to validate my story.

      I agree. This is alarming..

      • 1jaded1

        I don’t think you’re rude, it happens. I’m sure you’ve heard of skimming. It is very prevalent at gas pumps. Badguys put their devices on the inside of gas pumps to gather your cc number. Anyone can order a universal key to gain access to these gas pumps! I shake my head when is see people paying at the pump. If we all used our brains for good…anyhow…PSA done.

  3. Vanessa-Jane Chapman

    Let me just say, wetransfer.com is so much easier to send files to people than dropbox, you don’t have to have an account, or register in any way, so no bother trying to remember passwords, you just enter your email address, the recipient email address, attach your files, and zoom! You can only attach 2GB at a time, but how often do you need to send more than 2GB in one go eh? Just don’t tell Felicks Wolski, I don’t want him benefitting from my tips.

    • Chowderhead

      Vanessa, I’m gonna cut to the cheese here, and say that I don’t believe that that link is for file sharing. It sounds like “something else” potentially, and I’m a bit shy now about clicking on links that appear sketchy. Wolski emailed me today to apologize, but then I realized that it was me that sent the message, so now I’m still confused…

      (thanks for the link)

  4. JackieP

    Hmm, I have Dropbox too, I wonder if there is a female version of Felicks creepy guy? Great, just what I need, Thanks Adam for putting that in my head now. 😉

  5. samara

    Actually, I just received a dick pic from muttonchopsplayboy@yahoo.com, and he did not look like your artist’s rendering at all.
    Or maybe he did. I didn’t see his face.

    Anyway, he spells HIS name “Felix” with an “x” and the poor guy lost his wallet in Europe. I wired him a few bucks, just to help him out.

    Muttonchops are HOT. Don’t hate on the chops.

    • Chowderhead

      I was rockin’ the chops for a minute, but it got out of hand pretty quickly so I had to scale it down a bit. They literally are hot. And itchy sometimes…

      And are you serious here?? Something tells me you’re not, but then something tells me you’re for real..?

      • samara

        Which part? About the email, or the muttonchops?

        I’m not a big fan of the chops. I was just getting you back for the SARS scare this morning. That was effed up, dude! I was all worried for you! Although, I should have known better. People don’t usually hang out with icepacks on their head, unless they get PUNCHED IN THE HEAD, yo!

        And put your “sword” away. No one wants to see that, least of all Tom.
        xo,
        Felicks

  6. Tom Merriman

    Those dump boxes (or whatever they’re called) all sound dodgy to me, Adam… like the ‘cloud’… technology that seems to be just that little bit further along than it should be right now. Envelopes, yes… even email… but dump boxes – no, don’t trust them. Wasn’t Felicks the chap who jumped from the edge of space… or have I got my Felickses confused once again… Anyway, keep on defending your realm, Mr Chowderhead!

    • Chowderhead

      Yes, yes I think you’re on to something here, Tom. Like I said, I rarely use it. But when I do, I don’t want to use somebody else’s account or however that works.

      My sword is drawn. That sounded so intense, when it’s really not. I’m just sitting here right now…

  7. stephrogers

    AAAAh that’s maddening! The same thing happened to me. I had a rocketmail (which is yahoo mail) account set up on another WP site I had. I went to shut the site down and I couldn’t because I couldn’t use my rocketmail account. Turns out someone else had taken it. When I sent an email to that account it didn’t come into my inbox. Very weird. Then when I tried to login in it said “please confirm you are the correct user” and then “this account is already in use”. I am obviously not as good at hacking as you because I couldn’t get into it.

    • Chowderhead

      That’s what my account is that I used to create it with originally – a rocketmail account. Maybe this is a clue. Probably not. I sound like a Scooby Doo character right now..

      I’m not a good hacker at all. Or for that matter, I’m not a hacker at all haha. I still don’t quite fully understand what happened, but at least I have it under control now. Now I just have to find him and scold him in person. \m/

  8. Deanna Herrmann

    Do you want me to run next door to Austria and look for him? I promise to kick him where it counts. 🙂

    • Chowderhead

      Ok, I have two email accounts. Are you with me so far? Good. When I created the account I used the account that I don’t use for anything else but blogging stuff. I never use it for anything, but that’s beside the point. With Dropbox, your username is your email address. I tried using my main email address to log in with because that’s the one I thought I used to open the account with, but it kept telling me “WRONG PASSWORD, FUCKHEAD”, so I had to do a password recovery, followed by a ‘create new password’. They sent a link to my email to do that. When I clicked on the link and created a new password, it signed me in, and I realized that I was using somebody else’s account. Somebody by the name of Felicks Wolski. We have the same email address. Or, he’s a dick.

      🙂

  9. ddupre315

    Actually Wolski is close to my maiden name…he’s likely Czechoslovakian. If that helps you narrow down the search. Czech is close to Polish so likely he didn’t know what he was doing when he did what he did.

    • Chowderhead

      This helps! And then I lol’d. I’m not supposed to lol at that in the 21st century, but I did. So fuck the 21st century, and thanks for your tips, ma’am \m/

  10. Troy at Ad-libbed

    Okay, time to come clean. I am Felicks. Twas I who hijacked your email addy for my dropbox account. I needed a fall guy when I ordered that uranium from Kazakhstan in case the drop went bad. Now you’ve gone and screwed things up so I can’t log in.

    No worries though. Just do me one solid — this Saturday, when you get a large upload to the dropbox from a guy named Yuri, just send me the longitude and latitude coordinates he’s provided on page six of the index document. You can email me at chowderhead@gmail.com, or at chowderhead@yahoo.com. Don’t use chowderhead@aol.com though; I think the NSA is on to that one.

    • Chowderhead

      Troy, hang on a second, there’s a couple of guys at my door right now in black suits and sunglasses and earbuds. Probably Fedex dropping off that conditioner I ordered from QVC last week…

      I really sincerely hope that Big Brother speaks fluent sarcasm, because if this post didn’t already land me on the watch list, this comment thread absolutely did. It’s funny at this point. I might have to count the keywords. And then put my middle finger in the air.

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