Nobody Loves Everybody Loves Raymond


Hello. My favorite show in the whole wide world is on. Again. Another re-run. I love re-runs. I’m being facetious of course when I say that it’s my favorite. And right now I’m close, very close, to gaining the ultimate satisfaction trip after I rip the TV out of the fucking wall and throw it through somebody’s car window.

It will be like that scene from Office Space when they beat up the fax machine with baseball bats in a field, only this scene will feature an Adidas shoe, and maybe a rock, and a TV, and I just want to see Ray Barone’s digital face behind a piece of shattered glass for once.  Do they make TV screens out of glass?  Or plastic?  I don’t care.

Whatever they use, it better sound cool when I break it.

There’s no way people watch shittiness of this magnitude. This…show…should be aired on TV’s in terrorist detention camp cells. You know what?  Speaking of, I’d rather get waterboarded with chocolate milk than have to sit here and listen to this whiny d-bag and his bitchy wife argue about sex.

Wait, did I see this episode? The one where Ray and what’s-her-face are arguing about sex?

Bitchy Wife: No Ray. Not tonight. I’m tired.

Raymond: But you’re always tired!

Bitchy Wife: Oh stop whining, Ray.

*Laugh Track*

Raymond: But there was that one time when I did that favor.  For you! Remember that favor?

*Laugh Track*

Bitchy Wife: Ray, putting the toilet seat down isn’t a favor.

*Laugh Track*

Raymond: Yeah, yeaaaahh. Remember that time? When I did that? I did that for yooou. Yeah, see?

*Laugh Track*

Another great episode, darling.

Another great episode, darling.

Somebody should bring that show back long enough to fire the writers.

bigfoot siting copy

And here’s a picture of Baronefoot.

You have 40 seconds to live, Toshiba.

Advertisements

60 comments

  1. Wendy Brydge

    I could not agree more. What a crap-ass show this was. I’m not a big fan of sitcoms in general, but this one was exceptionally bad. I mean, the name ALONE is enough to rate a punch in the face.

    I’m thinking your pic needs a little photoshopped blood. Maybe in the head area, yes? Make it happen!

  2. JackieP

    When my husband would watch this show, it was to me like fingernails across a chalkboard. I hated that show! He was the most whiney ass thing alive. How anyone could watch that show is beyond me. Wait, he’s an ex now. Explains it all. 😉

  3. Zen A.

    I thought I was alone in this. I hate this show so much and I cannot believe they let it run for 9 seasons. I’m usually able to find redeeming features in sitcoms, no matter how bad they are, but nothing saved this one for me, not his nasally voice, not his annoying wife, and definitely not the title. 😐

  4. She's a Maineiac

    I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried to watch this show! I can’t get past a few minutes into it. My husband hates it even more. I’d rather watch bad sitcoms from the 80s like Full House and Perfect Strangers.

  5. Jenny M

    This is one of the truest truths of television. Stupid Everybody Loves Raymond. “Oooh, let’s use that same tired trope! Women hate sex, except when they don’t, which is in the dark!”

    Also, pig snouts forever.

  6. NotAPunkRocker

    There is a documentary of sorts of where the creator tried to take this show to Russia and how the humor doesn’t translate there.

    (Note to self: move to Russia).

    • Chowderhead

      Thanks man, I spent all day on that pic. Full House was a pretty ridiculous show too. You know that house would be under surveillance nowadays with three single guys running a family full of little girls. What the..

  7. Tom Merriman

    I take it you’re not a fan, Adam? Just a wild guess. I can’t say I’ve seen the show myself, but I think it is broadcast over here. I may give it a miss though…

      • Tom Merriman

        Adam, sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I’ve counter-researched your research, and I wasn’t talking about the Swedish Chef at all. In fact, it wasn’t a chef I was thinking of. It was a baker. From 1969. Sesame Street had a counting section, 1 to 10 in those days, and at the end the baker would stand at the top of the stairs holding seven (or whatever the day’s number was) cakes / pies / desserts. He’d drop them all, and fall down the stairs in the process. It’s easy to get chefs and bakers mixed up, I suppose. Especially from 1969.

      • Chowderhead

        Tom, I’ve counter-researched your counter-research, and I can confirm that your confirmations are in fact, correct. I’m really showing my age here..

  8. Paul

    Ugh, agreed. A pox on ALL sitcoms, from “The Munsters” to “Family Guy.” They’re all irritating, with their predictable “jokes” and even more predictable stories. Formulaic crap for morons.

      • Paul

        Ha! Well, I didn’t mean to do THAT. I mean, I like “The Munsters” too! Not because it was good, but because it kicks up pleasant childhood memories. Somehow, I don’t think Raymond and the rest of these clowns (used in the most ironic way, of course) are going to do that for anybody.

      • Chowderhead

        I smell what you’re cooking. I think I mostly just like the Munsters theme song is what it is. The organ sounds baseball-ish to me, and then I started thinking about spring and not winter, so that’s cool.

      • Paul

        One of the all-time great theme songs. And that’s an interesting theory! I never thought about the possibility that it clicks for me because it makes me think of baseball, but that makes sense. Speaking of which, I fully expect my Orioles to meet your Tigers in the playoffs. What a great year it’s been for both teams.

      • Paul

        What, you think the Orioles won’t be in it? No way! They’ve been killing it all season. They have a five-game lead in their division, and they’re 17 games over .500, which is more than we can say for the Tigers. So yeah, I’d be willing to lay down a little bet!

      • Paul

        Ha! Gladly. But let’s be clear on what we’re betting. Is it which team ends the regular season with the best record? Or which team goes furthest into the playoffs? Happy to back up either one of those and make the next month even more interesting. And what do you want to play for? Box of cigars? Straight $$? And if you’d rather discuss the details by email, that’s cool. I’m at nightgallery(at)rocketmail.com.

      • Chowderhead

        Ok, the bet is who’s team goes deeper in the playoffs. If the Tigers win, you gotta buy a Long Awkward Pause T-shirt, take a pic of yourself and post it on Twitter announcing that the Orioles suck ass and LAP rules! If the Tigers lose, your call.

      • Paul

        Who goes deeper in the playoffs? That works for me. But the t-shirt thing really doesn’t. For one thing, I’d sooner cut out my tongue than write such a lie about the Orioles, but there’s also the fact I don’t have any merchandise to make it an equivalent bet. There are no “Style & Substance” t-shirts (at least not yet!). So you’d do what, write a post promoting MY blog? No, I think it’s best if we just go with a straight monetary bet. I’ll even give you odds, since the Orioles are doing better: $30 to you if *I* lose, $20 to me if YOU lose. How’s that sound? The exact amount is negotiable (within reason).

  9. julesagray

    This show makes me feel stabby.
    Ray Romano is NOT funny. He’s up there with Dane Cook and Joe Rogan.
    However, the only good thing Romano ever did was ‘Men of a Certain Age’ where he played a serious guy. He can act..if given the chance. Also, his stint on ‘Maron’ was good too.

    • Chowderhead

      Get away, stabby lady! I don’t wanna be stabbed and stuff. We are on the same page then. High five! And you spelled moron wrong, by the way. Thought you were an editor…

  10. Twindaddy

    I absolutely HATED that show. I didn’t like Seinfeld, either. I’m not sure how either show stayed on the air so long.

    • Chowderhead

      THANK you. I didn’t get Seinfeld either. On a funny scale from 1-10, both of them score a D. Seinfeld is cocky little fucker too. I can picture him sitting crossed-legged on Letterman and sipping a Chai spice something out of a mug with his face on it. Eww.

      • Twindaddy

        Yeah, I don’t really care for him personally, either. I remember seeing him on Letterman defending Michael Richards after the whole racist tirade a few years back. Whatta douche.

  11. calahan

    A truly terrible show. Why this remained so popular is beyond me. Would I find the nuances of genius in the show if I watched it while wearing only boxers and a dirty robe and eating Cap’n Crunch for dinner?

  12. Mandi

    What’s not to love? A guy in the same flannel shirt and black jeans every day, whose wife always wears some form of sweater set and refuses to have sex with him or to clean up the clutter from the stairs (that bugs me more than a little). Yeah, it’s too bad it’s no longer on the air. Except that it is… Syndication is for suckers.

    And your D&B went way up with me with your reference to Balky Bartalkamoose.

Comment Here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s